Sixteen years of her not hugging me.
Sixteen years of not getting her advice.
Sixteen years of her not fussing at me for not answering my phone while I’m out.
Sixteen years of ups, downs, pain, and joy.
It’s hard for me to talk about her because I hate thinking about her in the past tense.
This year I knew I wanted to put something out on the blog, but I didn’t know where to start. I started googling ideas and found a list of journal prompts for grief. I decided to use a few to reminisce about the best woman I’ve ever known.
It helped a little. So, here goes…
In a few sentences, what was your mother like?
Mommy was fun-loving, the life of the party, and made friends quickly. She loved seafood, shopping, and spoiling my brother and me. And if you wanted the neighborhood gossip, she was the lady you asked. LOL! My mother was also one of the most supportive people in my life. Whatever dreams I had, she encouraged and invested in them whether she agreed or not. She read the little stories I typed on my typewriter and was my hair and nail model throughout high school.
The one thing I miss most is her dancing and random singing. It used to be so embarrassing, but I would trade anything for the random outburst at a drive-through or walking through the mall.
A song that makes me think of Mommy is Baby Hold On To Me by Gerald Levert. He was her favorite, and when that song came on, it didn’t matter where she was or who was around; Mommy was singing and swaying her hips. Gerald Levert passed away in 2006, the year after Mommy; I like to believe she finally got to meet him in Heaven, and he sings for her up there.
If I had one more day, I would tell Mommy how much I loved and appreciated her. I know she knew, but I wish I could tell her that I understand all of the sacrifices and the lessons. I want her to know I am the woman I am today because of her. I want to get crabs one more time, play a board game, and hear more of her stories.
How have things changed around you since your mother died?
I don’t have the person who loved me unconditionally, flaws, and all. Mommy never judged me; she listened to me; she believed in me. I could tell her I wanted to be the next president of the United States, and she would sign on to be my campaign manager that day. I have people in my life who believe in me, but it’s nothing like the love and support of your mother, my mother. She is unmatched.
There were more prompts I wanted to respond to, but this was hard enough. I’ll share those another time.
Today I will celebrate my mother and continue to make her proud.