Yes, I think I’m cute.
Growing up, I would hear, “Oh, she think she’s cute,” and it always had a negative connotation to go along with it.
I would hear things like ‘Look at her over there thinking she’s cute’ or ‘I can’t stand her, she thinks she’s cute’ or ‘Somebody told him he was fine.’ And for the life of me, I could not understand the disdain for people, especially women, who thought highly of themselves.
Of course, I was a young girl when I would first hear this phrase, and I dared not to ask an adult what was wrong with thinking you’re cute. I would find it weird that it was used to describe a negative trait about a person, more than likely a woman by another woman.
I would hear girls talk about it at school, too, and I accused of thinking I was cute. When I was charged, I would proudly say, “Yes, I do. And?” add eye-rolling, neck swinging in their too-for dramatics.
As I got older and able to communicate more effectively, I would ask girls my age what was wrong with thinking you’re cute. I don’t remember the answers they gave, but I know it wasn’t sufficient, so I would then ask the adult women in my life. I never had a reason to question my homeboys, uncles, or any male figures, because it was always women I would hear talk negatively about this subject.
Like the young girls I knew, most adult women couldn’t answer my question either. One attempted. I heard this adult woman repeat one-day again-‘so and so think she cute.’ I respectfully asked what was wrong with believing you’re cute. She attempted to explain to me that you aren’t supposed to think it, but even if you did, you’re not supposed to say it, other people were supposed to say it and think it for you.
Yeah-made no sense to me either.
As I grew up, I finally understood the statement and realized people’s real problem-insecurity. There’s even research on the topic. Dr. Seth Myers says, “I find that the majority of female criticism actually stems from feeling inadequate in an area of life they value highly.”
I began to realize the problem lies within the person proclaiming what someone else thinks of themselves as wrong. Insecurity in ones self is often projected onto others. Because you don’t believe you’re beautiful because you learned it from another insecure person, you’re left wondering, or upset, or hurt that someone else can think that of themselves.
Someone told women in generations before ours that you shouldn’t think you’re cute. Then we went to school and got into arguments and fights with other little girls who ‘thought they were cute.’
And so the vicious cycle continued.
But it doesn’t have to continue.
Did you ever notice most people don’t just go around saying their cute, but their confidence naturally shines through and can tend to rub people the wrong way? But if you’re confident in your self as a person, you wouldn’t get offended. You’d celebrate.
It’s not too late to begin celebrating either, but first, you have to build yourself up. It won’t be easy; I believe we’ve experienced insecurities in different areas and different points in our lives.
Check out the following resources on building self-esteem and confidence:
Start or continue telling your children they’re beautiful. Let them know they can and should think they’re cute, and if somebody has a problem with it, then that’s their own problem to fix.