
On day 30 of Blogtober, I want to talk about a serious topic, domestic violence.
It’s a subject I became too familiar with at a very young age.
A few years ago, I wrote about my experience as a kid witnessing domestic violence in the home.
The incidents I witnessed, while I was only three, and can still remember most details vividly, from the abuse to the day we left, shaped who I am to this very day.
It shaped my attitude towards men, how I demand to be treated, and how I view police based on the encounter we had with them the one time I remember my mother trying to seek help. It shaped my No, I Don’t Have To, and I WON’T attitude at an early age.
October is domestic violence awareness month, and if you’re in an abusive situation-physically, verbally, mentally, or emotionally- you don’t deserve it.
From my experience and the people around me, many cases of domestic violence don’t start with physical abuse. It begins with control, mental, and emotional abuse. Despite what they told us about sticks and stones when we were children, words do hurt. Words from a person we love and claim to love us hurt even more. Being told you’re not worthy or less than or undeserving, or being blamed for everything under the sun has to be a draining and defeating experience. No one deserves it.
I decided to share my mother’s experience and the effect it had on me because to help someone. I wanted women to know you could get out. My mother did it with two small children. I also wanted women to see the effect it has on your children, no matter how young they are. When I was a teenager, I finally told my mother all of the things I remembered, and she couldn’t believe it, yet she knew they were my memories. I was the one in the apartment with her watching it happen. I was the one in the motel room with her being held hostage with a knife.
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, witnessing those things by the age of four shaped my views on relationships. It also shaped my tolerance (or lack thereof) for people and their stuff. I knew and stood by, not staying with someone who showed an ounce of controlling behavior. But this experience also stunted my emotional availability to people for many years.
If you are in a physically, emotionally, or mentally abusive relationship, please know that you don’t deserve it.
You are beautiful.
You deserve happiness.
You deserve peace.
You deserve love.
You deserve kindness.
Resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Domestic Violence Awareness Project
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
