A couple weeks ago I discussed briefly (very briefly because there aren’t really words to describe it) the grief that many people go through during the holiday season as they’re grieving.
As mentioned in my previous post, this time of year can be a very depressing time for the millions of people in the world who have lost someone.
And we know you mean well, but let me tell you some of the things you’re doing or saying is absolutely in NO way helping us-like AT ALL! I haven’t done a large survey or anything but I’ve met and know a few people who deal with being extremely sad during this time of year and most times the people close to us are doing more harm than good. We don’t think you even realize it.
Here are the top three things I LOATHE hearing as I continue to grieve the loss of my mother:
1. It’s been so long, why are you still so sad?
The worse thing you can say to anyone. Until you’ve been in this position-losing someone close to you, there’s no way you can understand. One year, ten years, fifty years-it hurts just as much as it did on day one. Some days or times of the year are worse than others and that’s okay. You don’t have to understand it and we don’t want you to understand it. But assuming that because a certain amount of time has passed and you think it shouldn’t hurt as much is just wrong, it’s inconsiderate-it’s cruel.
2. I know they’re smiling down on you and are so proud.
Remember this is MY personal list and this may actually bring comfort to someone, but not me. Not in anyway. Me personally, I know my mother was proud of me while she was on Earth and no matter what I decided to do with my life she was my biggest cheerleader. Reminding me or us that someone would be proud of us just makes it sting more because we want them here now in the physical form to see and witness and be a part of our good times. This could possibly just be me, but I’m still angry Mommy’s gone and I don’t need anyone reminding me that she’s not here to see the good times.
3. They’re still here with you.
NO! NO! NO! They’re not here! That’s why we’re hurting, that’s why we’re crying. That’s the whole point of this blog post.
What Can You Do Instead, you ask?
The answer is quite simple-be there. If we want to cry, need a hug, want to go out. Just be there. No need to fill the space with noise or words. Just be. Because there’s nothing you can say or do to feel the void of losing someone you love. So just be there for people who might need you this holiday season (and beyond.)