Ten Years Ago

Ten Years Ago…

I remember that entire week like it was just last week.

On Saturday, the 8th I did her hair, then a lot of her cousins came to visit. That week she had a lot of visitors. At the time I didn’t understand or didn’t want to understand. I remember her laying in Grandma’s bed and either one of her sisters or cousins started arguing about something silly and me and her sat there and laughed and said here they go again. Each day  she got weaker, more people came to visit.

I remember laying in my bed crying and listening to Mary Mary. My cousin Nacia came in my room, hugged me, and told me no matter what she had me and my brother.

That Saturday, January 15, 2005, more visitors came. Early that afternoon me, my brother Jay, and best friend Rita went up to my job (Radio Shack in Columbia Mall) to get my check. Me and Rita wanted to stop at a shoe store on the way back but didn’t know the exact location. I called the house and asked to speak to my Aunt Anne, the fashionista, so she could tell us where the store was. They didn’t put her on the phone, said she was busy. It never dawned on me what had happened.  I pulled up to the house and saw Uncle Goodsie on the porch, when he saw us pull up he ran in the house. I still had no clue. As we walked in, me, Jay, and Rita- my grandfather grabbed my arm.  I said “Hey Grandpop” and tried to keep walking. He grabbed my arm tighter and he said “Chanee’ No.” I looked at his face and I said “ She died!” and fell to the floor.

I think somebody or bodies tried to get me to get up, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to do or think or how I was going to go on in this world without my Mommy. Somebody asked me and my brother if we wanted to see her. We went upstairs to Grandma’s room and there she was, laying peacefully. I remember saying “Oh Mommy” and laying beside her with my brother and we cried as family surrounded us. I got up and saw my Aunt Sharon, her sister, and I said “I’m so sorry Aunt Sharon.” She said “don’t worry I’m ok.” It was her birthday.

The rest of that week was a blur. The next day I went to the tattoo shop, Bear’s Den, by myself and I got angel wings with the word Mommy inside put on my arm. I slept in my brother’s twin bed a lot that week with him. We were asked about picking caskets and what pictures we wanted in the obituary. I was strong on the outside, but I just wanted to get it all over with.

The days, weeks, months, and years to follow seemed to be OK. I never really shared how I was feeling. I would just lay in my apartment by myself and convince myself I was ok.

Finally, after a few years I allowed myself to grieve. To truly grieve. I cried more. I asked God why. I had never questioned Him, but as I got older and accomplished more I got angrier. I wanted my mother to be at both of my college graduations, I wanted to call her and tell her about my crazy students.  I wanted her at my wedding doing the booty call.

This hurt the most-I wanted to call her and tell her I was pregnant and she was going to be a Grandma. I wanted to call her when I had weird pains and didn’t know if something was wrong, I wanted to call her when I fell down my steps at 7 months pregnant and had to sit at the hospital to be monitored for a few hours. I wanted her at the hospital on October 7, 2011 when I had my c section and Little Danny came into the world. I wanted to call her when my infant would get sick or break out and ask was it normal.  I want to argue over what’s best for my son, I want her to call me and tell me she’s taking the baby for the night because you better believe if she was here me and my husband would have joint custody with my mother J

Writing this was therapy to me. I had to step away a few times, but it really helped to ease the pain of remembering that on this day ten years ago God called my mommy, Earlma Patricia “Boo” Granger, home to be with Him.  Whether I accept it or not her time on Earth was done. She did all God wanted her to do. She was incredibly loving and forgiving and I strive to be the woman and mother she was.  I am forever grateful God saw fit for me to have her in my life for 21 years and 9 months. I’m thankful for the memories that I’ll have forever and I know it’s ok to grieve. It’s all a part of MY healing process. I’ll grieve for the rest of my life but I know I can also smile knowing I have a beautiful angel in Heaven.

Continue to rest peacefully, Mommy!

❤️Chanee’ 

One thought on “Ten Years Ago

  • LaKisha Council

    She is so proud of the Woman that you are, the wife and mother that you are. I don’t know think God minds us asking “why”… we are human and he knows your heart. No one can ever understand your pain and we can’t begin to fill the void, but she lives daily through you!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *